Scientist are mad. Artists are sad. Dumb are happy. Intellectuals are suffering...

Night sky

"Is there any body out there??... Say "Hello" if you can hear me".

I'm lying on my roof, and the constellation of stars is sitting right in front of me. As if I'm travelling through the galaxy. What a wonderful feeling. Clear dark night sky. I feel like I'm home. Quiet, but whispering.

Being "happy ever after" is boring

Everyday I wake up into a new day. And then I start to wonder why I stand up on two legs, why not on all four. My fellow animals once laughed at me when I tried to walk on two legs and slipped on ice after the recent snowing. It sounded me like, "hey you stupid, can't you still walk on two legs"..., like as if they had done a marvel break through in the evolution of mankind (sorry!, human kind). I wanted to ask them, "Morons, haven't you tired to fly yet"? A very recent finding revealed that mankind is still evolving. (May be not the women kind... Pl. forgive me if I am anti-man). But the fact is our emotions are evolving... and ever breaking down into a complex hierarchical subtle web of emotions, which is flooded in music, and other forms of art. In this breakdown, artists are in the forefront, quite obviously, pardon me if I sounded like anti-scientists or anti-artists. But the evolution of emotions brings more suffering to mankind. Quite obviously, for that reason, scientists are a happier lot than the artists.... But being "happy ever after" is boring. Which is one reason I don't want to go to heaven...

Thoughts are handicapped

How annoying and uncontrollable my thoughts are. What a flux. I have no control over them. Nothing is clear. They hit on my head like bouncing balls on a tinfoil. I pick one or two at a time, quite randomly. And connect them to the followed up to make a rhythm. To create some kind of understanding. How bizzar...

How many can "picture" thoughts as they are. Can you at least draw a flower as it is without looking at it. Can anybody do it to the utmost detail. But we think we know what a flower is. It makes the point that we are handicapped. In a way we don't know what we know, what we think we know. Our thoughts are not clear. They are hazy, vague. What a world we live in. Evolutionarily, we are way primitive, still. Brain has a lot to develop. But we are at a stage that we all can agree upon consensus just good enough to be able to communicate with each other even at this very inferior level of conception. I can tell you this. What we think we understand is nothing, zipo. We don't understand a fraction of a fraction of what realty is. We are an ignorant but an arrogant lot.

Body is painful by default

I cant find a single moment that I feel total comfort and I'm fully relaxed. I cant imagine how hard I find it even to sleep. Turned to one side, soon I want to turn to the other side. Carrying this body by default is so painful. Stand up for a while, then I want to sit. Sit up there for a while, then I want to stand up. Because, body by default is ridiculously painful. How unbelievable this is. But it is true. The body demands our consciousness to keep rolling. Even every breath I take I feel so difficult. I cant give up breathing. How ridiculous. I have to make an effort to breath every moment. I really do. You think it happens. It doesn't happen. You make it happen. But you purposefully try forget it. How ridiculous this life is if you don't have a moment to relax and feel total comfort. It reminds me of the Notes from Underground. Dostoevsky says, may be we like suffering as much as we love pleasure. Pleasure is a social norm. But enjoying pain and suffering is probably very private and personal.

Knowledge is always dumb

Ideas are fascinating, but knowledge is dumb. Generalized knowledge created by logic and reasoning is dumb because no premise is solid or objective. Objectivity doesn't exist. My subjective feelings are supreme to your objective knowledge. That is where "I" confront the reality. You don't exist if I didn't, and vise versa. You make me feel better, I will make you feel better in return, or even otherwise. Because I respect your feelings more than your objective knowledge as a fellow living being. That's all what matters to all living beings and me.

The wealth I have

There is a police to protect my belongings. How much can I keep to myself? There is no limit. I can make you all starve, can I. No. I cann't. My supplies wont last long how much wealth I have if I make you starve. My happiness can be optimized only if I give you a little to make you survive. Just good enough to make you survive. I know you wont suicide bacause you live just hand to mouth. I can teach you a religion to make you feel good. And work for me in good spirit. I can fund a religion for doing that for me. And a government that protects my wealth.  

modelling in ecology

What you did out there is so "true" and "real". What I do in here as a modeler is all bullshit. I've read a couple of nice articles on the 'art of modelling' recently. In modelling what we do is, we are trying to frame or plugin our 'imagination' into what is 'never' out there. We carve reality. That's why models cant predict damn anything in "ecology". What is existing in the modeling academia are our 'dreams'. It is a dream world; there we learn how to dream. That's why the models cant be generalized, and can't be used anywhere else other than on what they are originally carved out from. One can model the same processes in many different frameworks with the same precision. None of them could predict reasonably well unless we come up with a humiliating range of uncertainty with a complex analysis that nobody else can understand. We are thrilled to talk about "stochasticity" in ecology (readily borrowed from physics) so that we can legitimately cover up our ignorance and sell our "ideas" easily to the innocent public. Getting grants means we are "selling" our "bullshit" to the people. We actually do not sell, we are stealing their money. They don't even know that they pay us for nothing. We scare shit out of them to stand up and inquire. In the hind side, we are afraid of them (like dogs), and stress upon the "uncertainty" as a scape goat (bark out loud). Scientific facts we know of are all opinions. What is left over from "my" kind of science is "art". I don't do science in here... At least I know it. The whole point is, on the contrary, what 'You' do may be very good science, but me. The fact is that stochastic models that I do can never be proven wrong. If they cant be proven nor rejected, how can they be good science. They are only good for philosophizing our drunkard thrill. Stochasticity is like god created on the contrary to what people think generally. Most of the quantum physicists have become god believers recently. The "order" in our conceptions is what I think is un-godly like, it is something that we created in our imaginations. Physicists don't have an answer to why the conceptual layer (the observational) is deterministic while the "realistic" layer (subatomic) is intrinsically random, god like. But anyway, I am glad that everything around me is not like the art of Jackson Pollock, which is pretty random. Art of Pollock is more like people sleeping with each other like in the Melrose Place, and children have no fathers, and then they have sex with their mothers.. and the mothers have children of their children,.. and so on. "Intrinsic Ecology". I don't think I like that kind of "stochasticity". It is going to be boring when you have a head to be jealous of... For that the world needs to be deterministic. Forget it! It's all bullshit!

friends

Labels suck! aren't they? What is a "friendship" if you don't mean it!
What is a friendship anyway?
What value? what costs? what choices we make?
People don't do that. Technically friends don't exist.

people down the road

Look how heavy are those people walking down the isle from building to building. I am talking about the university campus. They are absolutely "me" in everywhere. The ignorance, love, hatred, deceases, stupidity, conceitedness, and what not. All the peril, all the magnanimity. They all look very important to themselves. But not to one another. Each one look at each other as another stupid lot. Nobody is right, nobody is wrong. Enlightenment is not one, it is non-singular. Quantum reality is not the consciousness.

why Markovian

Where would I begin? To keep a diary of my chaotic thought process. For who's interest? I dont know. I dont need a purpose. It is rediculus to look for purposes.

To tell you about myself, I am prettry much Markovian. I wake up into a mood of the day depending on what I dreamt of the night before. I cant remember what my life was like two days ago. The fact is, I dont want to. My life i memoryless. Life is so exciting and open when you dont have a past. The past kills you. What's the use of the past anyway. What does it bring. Nothing. Past is gone. What I think today is invalid tomorrow. Why we need to be consistent? Everything is circumstantial. Nothing is solid. So is our mind set.

What is life is like for the uptight people. Their principles, values, morals. Where do they stand in a stochastic world? What do they control? They are surrounded by walls that they themselves have builtup. By which they themselves suffer. They themselves torture. Nobody else bothers.